Bereaved Israeli and Palestinian fathers campaign together for peace

Bound by grief that might once have kept them apart, an Israeli father and a Palestinian father are instead using friendship as their strongest argument for peace.

Rami Elhanan and Bassam Aramin, who stood on opposite sides of the conflict as young men, now describe themselves as “family” and say they have devoted their lives to fostering respect and understanding between their peoples.

The pair were in Dublin to address an event hosted by the charity Trócaire.

They are no strangers to Ireland, having travelled across the island last summer to tell their stories.

Mr Elhanan, 76 and a veteran of the Yom Kippur War, recounted the journey of a man who was jailed at 17 for throwing hand grenades at Israeli jeeps.

His own life, he said, changed “dramatically” after the death of his 14-year-old daughter in 1997.

Rami Elhanan (L) said that his life changed ‘dramatically’ following the death of his 14-year-old daughter in 1997

Smadar Elhanan was killed by Palestinian bombers while shopping for school books with friends in Jerusalem.

A year later, he was invited to meet bereaved Palestinian and Israeli parents through The Parents Circle – Families Forum (PCFF), a joint Israeli-Palestinian organisation for families who have lost loved ones.

“I was very suspicious. I was very reluctant and cynical,” he said, before adding that the gathering “changed my life, changed my mind, changed my attitude”.

“I was 47-years-old, and until today, I’m ashamed to admit it was the first time ever in my life I’d met Palestinians as human beings, not as workers in the streets, and not as terrorists, but as human beings who carry the same burden that I carry, who suffer like I suffer,” he added.

He later joined grassroots peace efforts and met Mr Aramin through Combatants for Peace in 2005.

“He always said that I immediately fell in love with him the minute I met him, which is completely true,” Mr Elhanan said of Mr Aramin.

That bond would soon be tested. Two years later, Mr Aramin’s 10-year-old daughter, Abir, was shot by the Israeli military in East Jerusalem.

“We ran to the hospital,” Mr Elhanan said. “We spent two days by her bed until she passed away and for me, it was like losing my daughter for the second time, I knew this girl.”

In the years since, the two men have campaigned side by side, presenting their losses as a stark warning and their friendship as evidence that another future is possible.

“We proved that we can build a real partnership, we can live together all side by side,” Mr Elhanan said.

For both men, the path to ending the brutal conflict begins with mutual respect and a willingness to recognise the suffering of the other.

Bassam Aramin’s (L) 10-year-old daughter, Abir, was shot by the Israeli military in East Jerusalem

“One word is essential, without it nothing will happen, the word is respect,” said Mr Elhanan.

“You have to be able to respect the guy next to you exactly as you want to be respected, no more and no less and once you achieve this, all the rest are technicalities,” he added.

He argued that such change requires courage: “being brave, by telling the truth, by looking straight into your eyes, not being polite, not being not controversial, telling them from the river to the sea, everyone should be free, everyone should be safe, everyone should be equal”.

“It’s the most difficult thing to trust your killer, your occupier, who stole your land, your house, who killed your daughter,” Mr Aramin added.

Yet he said that coming to understand the “humanity” of those he once saw as the “enemy” transformed his outlook.

The 57-year-old said he did not truly grasp the horror of the Holocaust until he met Mr Elhanan’s father, an Auschwitz survivor.

He said when he first heard about the World War II genocide he thought: “I don’t care, it’s not me, I don’t know about anyone.”

“When you meet Rami’s Father, it’s hard, and he starts to talk to you about before he go to the oven.

“Then you understand what’s the name of the Holocaust,” he said.

Mr Elhanan said some people in his own community believe his grief drove him to madness.

“I lost many friends, I lost many family members,” he said, but added: “I get new family members, new friends, and I’m not afraid anymore the worst has already happened.”

“I see the goal very clearly, very sharply, I know exactly where I’m going, what needs to be done in order that children will not keep on dying in this Holy Land of ours, no Muslim children, no Christian children, no Jewish children, no children at all,” he added.

A 2020 novel Aperiogon, written by Irish author Colum McCann and based on the pair’s friendship, was longlisted for the Booker prize.

They liken visits to Ireland to a football team playing at home, with Mr Aramin saying people in the country “understand us, they’re very supportive”.

They also point to the peace achieved in Northern Ireland as proof that even entrenched violence can give way to hope.

“It’s not written anywhere that we’re going to continue killing each other forever,” Mr Aramin said.

“It must end at one point, and I believe very soon,” he added.