CAIRO – In an assertive move that echoes the phrase “not in my backyard,” Egypt has taken a firm stance against the incursion of non-local military forces into the Red Sea. These decisive words come as Egypt once more throws its unwavering support behind Somalia, a nation locked in a tense diplomatic tango with Ethiopia. The latter’s cozy relations with the self-proclaimed independent state of North Western State of Somalia have undoubtedly raised eyebrows and, for Egypt, it’s apparently a dance of no delight.

Egypt’s Foreign Affairs Minister, Badr Abdelatty, minced no words when he dictated his country’s terms; there will be no open-door policy for landlocked nations wishing to play soldier on the Red Sea shores. Speaking as if to say, “Keep your military ambitions where the sun don’t shine,” Abdelatty highlighted that any foreign military presence would rock the boat of regional security in these deep waters.

He made his position crystal clear during a buzzing press conference in Cairo, where he was flanked by Eritrea’s own crafty diplomat Osman Saleh and Somalia’s wise Ahmed Moalim Fiqi. With the grandeur of the pyramids as their backdrop, Egypt seemed quite eager to flex its muscles and exhibit its clout in the ever-unpredictable Horn of Africa.

Like a group of school teachers comparing notes, the three ministers confirmed their dedication to keeping a close diplomatic eye on things, promising to meet periodically over cups of coffee and stacks of paperwork. The first of many meetings, they announced, would be held in sunny Mogadishu, Somalia’s vibrant capital, with a presidential pow-wow set to follow in the near future.

But wait, there’s more! Abdelatty didn’t stop there. He underscored the monumental importance of implementing the buzzworthy decisions from the Asmara Summit. Held just last October in Eritrea’s capital, this summit was a gathering of minds from Egypt, Eritrea, and Somalia. Can’t help but wonder if they weren’t just a bit nostalgic for a simpler time when decisions stood the test of time.

Wearing a poker face learned from years of diplomatic poker games, the Egyptian foreign minister was adamant that Somalia’s unity and sovereignty were his top priorities. Egypt, committing itself as a guardian angel, is poised to shield this friendly nation, which has often found itself wobbly on the rocky road to stability.

“Somalia’s future is non-negotiable,” Abdelatty stated, with the conviction of a seasoned statesman. “The Egyptians are all in, offering our full support to Somalia’s government. We’re here to back them as they reclaim control of their beautiful, albeit challenged, entire territory and stand firm against the likes of terrorism.”