There is not enough crossover between football and professional wrestling.
- Advertisement -
Sure, Drew McIntyre supports Rangers, Seamus supports Liverpool and Triple H, probably because of the hammer on their brand, has a strange fixation with West Ham.
“There is an opportunity for you to be a hero. An opportunity to build your franchise.” @ TripleH URGES Declan Rice to stay at West Ham.
Iron clubs ⚒️
? @NXTUK pic.twitter.com/4bgLVlzwuC
– WWE on BT Sport (@btsportwwe) September 2, 2020
But that’s not enough, and that’s why 90 minutes sometimes try to bring the two worlds together in a glorious union of stupidity.
With WrestleMania 37 set to launch on Saturday, where is it better to let the best feuds and stories from the football world play than the Grandest Stage of Them All?
1′-2′-3′-4′-5′-
Rank England’s goalkeeper options … pic.twitter.com/HG8X9qjtu4
– 90min (@ 90min_Football) March 24, 2021
Jordan Pickford vs. Dean Henderson vs. Nick Pope vs. Sam Johnstone vs. Tom Heaton vs. Joe Hart
The ladders surround the ring, God Save The Queen blows around the most empty social distant arena, and the goalkeeper in England is on his way out for the night’s first match.
Suspended high above the ring is a briefcase. In that portfolio is an England shirt No. 1 and a pair of gloves. The winner goes to the euro as Gareth Southgate’s first place.
Hell breaks down right from the start; just when the bell rings, Jordan Pickford goes after Tom Heaton and Joe Hart with a trash can and both write out the match within minutes.
After Sam Johnstone is forgotten and fades from existence, a three-man distance appears in the middle of the ring: Pope, Henderson, Pickford. A ladder, a portfolio, a date of destiny.
Eventually, after some incredible acrobatics from Henderson and Pickford to scale the ladder, the Everton goalkeeper slides his portfolio through his hands. The Pope – who sensibly waits for the inevitable mistake – catches it when it hits the carpet.
We have our winner, ladies and gentlemen!
Winner: Nick Pope
One of them has to go | Pool / Getty Images
This was not a match that Mikel Arteta wanted. He looks abandoned as he looks at Aubameyang’s ostentatious entrance from the ring, but he has had no choice: one of them has to leave.
We are immediately reminded that the gaffer can still go. He has kept himself in good shape since hanging up his boots and uses his impressive technical wrestling skills to his advantage against his faster, stronger opponent. At one point, it looks like Arteta has it in her bag with a brutal DDT, but Aubameyang grabs the rope and pulls out of the ring.
Aubameyang’s superior endurance pays off eventually, and it’s over when a cunning curling pinch the Spanish Superman’s shoulders to the carpet.
He leaves the ring in tears. His Arsenal career is over and he only has himself to blame.
Jurgen Klopp & Sean Dyche exchange strong words in the tunnel at half time? pic.twitter.com/rvnGEWMBiX
– Football Daily (@footballdaily) January 21, 2021
The structure for this centers around an interview that Jurgen Klopp did with Des Kelly all the way back in November. The Liverpool boss fumbled after an injury to vice-captain James Milner and took it out on the interviewer, while targeting Chris Wilder, Sean Dyche. These two happen to be the new competition team champions.
Klopp collaborated with Pep Guardiola to win the belts in our latest WrestleMania, but this time he has another unlikely ally: Ole Gunnar Solskjaer. While Kelly is not an active competitor, he comes to the ring before Wilder and Dyche and takes a microphone to announce them himself.
But even though Bovril Bashers have better chemistry, they have no chance against the superpowers over the ring from them. Klopp hits a theatrical elbow fall on Wilder outside the ring, while Solskjaer at the same time lands a professional foul like the one against Newcastle 1998 at Dyche and gets a pin.
Winner: Klopp and Solskjaer
Man City will fight for Erling Haaland’s signature this summer – where is best for him?
– 90min (@ 90min_Football) 27 February 2021
At first glance, this seems like a pretty simple affair. The two favorites for Haaland’s signature, Pep Guardiola and Ronald Koeman, are sending all upcoming packages; Marco Rose Zinedine Zidane, Andrea Pirlo, Mauricio Pochettino and Jose Mourinho are among those easily eliminated … although Hansi Flick is conspicuous by his absence.
But just as the Barca and City managers lose, Haaland takes matters into their own hands. He enters the ring, easily eliminates both men and announces that he will stay in Germany, to violent applause from a few thousand present. Rose stumbles back into the ring, and the two embrace.
But when the Dortmund boss pulls away, Haaland holds on to his wrist. When the camera is turned up, the Norwegians’ expression changes and he strikes him with a brutal line of clothing.
He then removes his shirt and tie to reveal the bright red of a Bayern Munich strip and walks back down the ramp. Raiola and Flick, who came in from the crowd, look up at him from each side. The best health swing since Seth Rollins is finished.
Winner: Erling Haaland
Celtic fans must be patient while waiting for the appointment of a new manager, says interim manager John Kennedy.
Eddie Howe has had advanced talks with the Parkhead side, but reports suggest he wants to wait until the summer before returning to the excavation.
?
– BBC Sport Scotland (@BBCSportScot) April 8, 2021
John Kennedy vs Eddie Howe vs Roy Keane
The biggest pop of the night so far goes to John Kennedy, when he takes a microphone hung from the ceiling and announces himself as MIIISTEEEERRR, KENNEDY !!!! But it is soon cut short by Roy Keane, ruin of a junkyard, who goes to town with a steel chair.
Keane dominates most of the match; he takes advantage of Eddie Howe’s good nature to write off Kennedy before turning on the ex-Bournemouth boss with a low blow from behind. Just as it looks over, however, the lights suddenly fall. When they reappear, a frantic Neil Lennon is standing in the middle of the ring with a crowbar in his hand.
He swings, upset at having lost his job in the first place, and even his old friend Kennedy can not place him. The handsome Howe takes advantage of the confusion; he pushes Kennedy back, sends Lennon out of the ring, and then rolls up Kennedy as he pulls back from the ropes.
Howe has won it … but at what cost? Steven Gerrard comes out of the audience, and the two have a tense stare down before we fade to black.
Winner: Eddie Howe
Revenge is on the cards. ? pic.twitter.com/rWA7B2astY
– 90min (@ 90min_Football) 19 March 2021
It’s the rematch we’re all been waiting for … or so we think.
Mohamed Salah flies down the ramp, ready to take revenge on Sergio Ramos, but there is no sign of Real Madrid captain. His entrance music plays once, twice, three times … nothing.
We have to wait until Zinedine Zidane shows up and explains that Salah will not have his match against Ramos … but there is a replacement in line. Just as we all wonder who it is, a person with a hood enters the ring behind Salah and launches a brutal attack on the Liverpool man.
Bah gawd …. it’s Vinicius Jr! The child unleashes hell on the helpless Egypt, and even the intervention of Sadio Mane can not stop the attack. The Brazilian is too fast. He takes out the Liverpool duo on his own and announces himself to the world as a force to be reckoned with.
Yes you pic.twitter.com/uAvdyY7MRu
– Zlatan Ibrahimović (@Ibra_official) April 1, 2021
Zlatan has spoken on Twitter, but when confronted with all 6’7 by LeBron James personally, the adult man who unironically refers to himself as a lion stands no chance. He tries an ambitious Kung-Fu kick, but he is caught in the middle of the flight and floored with a big right hand.
One two Three!
Winner: LeBron James
Pogba and De Bruyne lock horns | Allsport Co./Getty Images
Now it’s time for the big one. Pogba is not really the star he was when he fought for the world title from Scott McTominay in 2019, but with the help of agent Raiola, he is held in his belt.
But here he is facing his biggest test so far. Kevin De Bruyne, Etihad’s crown jewel, finally gets his shot at gold.
Guardiola accompanies his client to the ring and must be held back when Raiola’s self-indulgent grin appears from the back. After being convinced of the evil agent once tonight, he is convinced that it will not happen again and gives De Bruyne an extensive briefing before the match.
The first sign of possible Raiola admixtures makes smokers Guardiola. When the opposing boss tries to distract the referee from the ring, the Spaniard in the ring is like lightning and flies over the upper rope with a cruel diving cloth to take him out.
Incredible video! Guardiola says that Mino Raiola offered Paul Pogba to Manchester City in January … also says that dogs deserve to be treated with more respect … pic.twitter.com/eAw7hPpszw
– Sam Lee (@SamLee) April 6, 2018
In the ensuing chaos, Pogba reaches for a chair that is pushed into the ring by Raiola and crashes it over De Bruyne’s back, avoiding disqualification just because the referee was busy dismissing the two bosses from the ring. An inferior superstar would be finished there, but the arena erupts when De Bruyne kicks out.
There is a standing ovation as the two rise. The two trade laws; Pogba swings with a wild line of clothing, but the Belgian ducks under it, hit the ropes and return with an evil super-kick that almost takes the head off the Frenchman.
He immediately goes for the cover, and this time there is no answer. Pogbas’ two years as WWE champion have ended. There’s a new king in town.
WINNER: KEVIN DE BRUYNE!
