AXADLE, Somalia – In a fiery exchange reminiscent of a family dinner gone wrong, Northeastern State’s Minister of Humanitarian Affairs, Ubax Abdirashid, has shot down assertions by the Somali Disaster Management Agency (SoDMA) that aid has been flowing into Northeastern State like water from a broken pipe. With gusto, Minister Ubax slammed the agency for making up tales as if auditioning for a soap opera, leveling accusations of corruption and shady dealings in the aid distribution game.
“Aid to Northeastern State?” scoffed Minister Ubax as if asked if camels dance, “That’s as real as a unicorn in Mogadishu! Their claims are as hollow as a drum and disrespectful to every donor who trusts them more than a snake oil salesman.”
In a tone that suggested this wasn’t her first rodeo, the minister further lambasted the Federal Government, pointing an accusatory finger for politically twisting the rusty spoon of humanitarian effort, leaving drought-ridden civilians high and dry. “It’s a tap dance on the grave of integrity!”, she declared. “Aid supposed to comfort Northeastern State has done a vanishing act. SoDMA is pilfering like a pickpocket in a crowd and mishandling funds fit for those hanging by a thread.”
With her patience thinner than a wafer, Ubah emphasized her long-standing exasperation around Northeastern State’s name being dragged through the mud of alleged federal aid allocations. “It’s a downright bamboozle,” she vented, “Mislabeling has funds vaporizing faster than morning mist, robbing the needy of a lifeline.”
This tempest in a teapot was brewed hotter by comments from SoDMA Director-General Mohamed Maareey, who claimed World Bank bulldozers—supposedly heading to Somali farmers—had visited Northeastern State. Puzzled like a chameleon in a bag of Skittles, Northeastern State’s Ministry of Agriculture pleaded ignorance, hinting at some fancy footwork in rerouting those steel beasts elsewhere.
Minister Ubah’s candid monologue adds spice to the simmering stew of tensions between Northeastern State and the Federal Government, pressing for more wiggle room to manage the foreign aid cookie jar. Once more, Northeastern State advocates for independence in controlling resources earmarked for its folks.
Rounding off her diatribe with a hint of old-world wisdom, the minister entreated overseas donors to acknowledge Northeastern State’s self-governance rights and steer clear of reliant on federals with the transparency of mud.
AXADLETM
