AXADLE, Somalia — Well, here’s a twist in the tale: the usually elusive foreign fighters of the notorious Islamic State have decided to call it a day and surrendered to the local defenders of Somalia’s Northeastern State State. This surprising turn of events was revealed by none other than the chatty Information Minister, Mahmoud Aided Dirir, who’s got his fingers on the pulse of this major counterterrorism showdown in the Bari region.

Minister Dirir, with a twinkle in his eyes, mentioned that the game plan—or should we say the exit strategy—is to pack these battle-weary warriors off back to their motherlands. This far-sighted initiative will see partnership handshakes with international bigwigs like the International Organization for Migration (IOM) and the Red Crescent. Of course, they’re keeping the nitty-gritty under wraps—who doesn’t love a bit of suspense?

But let’s not forget last month’s headline—the catastrophic flop of an attack on a Northeastern State military base by a band of 8 ill-fated militants from Yemen, Tunisia, Tanzania, Algeria, and beyond. The message was clear as day: try crashing this party, and you’ll leave with more than just a bruised ego.

“The foreigners of ISIS have surrendered,” chuckled Dirir, “and we’re already rolling out their homecoming. Hats off to the IOM and the Red Crescent for playing their part.” All those who’ve been wringing their hands about impending justice needn’t worry; anyone caught with their hands in the terrorist cookie jar will face the music, no matter where their passport’s from.

ISIS, which snuck into the Northeastern State networks thanks to a former Al-Shabaab boss, Abdulkadir Mumin, back in the late shenanigans of 2015, has been trying its luck against Al-Shabaab for quite some time now. They’re not just fighting for bragging rights, but also for carving out a slice of the extortion pie from local businesses in bustling Bosaso.

Yet, with all this drama, there was some rumor-mill action suggesting that these foreign fighters might be blacklisted from President Said Abdullahi Deni’s warm-hearted amnesty program. But not so fast! Minister Dirir put his foot down, confirming these lads aren’t excluded from a bit of presidential goodwill.