Sometimes a rumor flutters so bizarre and outrageous around the transfer market, that it is met with a rye laugh and a derogatory dig towards the potential recipients.
So we can be forgiven for hearing the names “Lautaro Martinez” and “Arsenal” mentioned in the same sentence, and immediately close our selected social media site with “the internet is enough for today”.
And yet, somehow, there are actually some legs to this one. How long the legs are remains to be seen. At the moment, they feel more like seal bones (the animal, not the singer of Kiss from a Rose), than those of an Alaskan Moose (Google it, they have really long legs).
However, if you had suggested at the end of last season that Inter’s Argentine superstar would leave the Serie A title winners to join a club that had missed Europa Conference League football, you would have been laughed at from your nearest mental hospital.
But the winds have changed dramatically this summer, and all of a sudden the previously impossible is now just very unlikely.
After winning Serie A, Inter fans have had very little to cheer about.
Scudetto-winning coach Antonio Conte left the club after being informed of the financial constraints the owners faced just days after the triumph, and it also led to the sale of hill Achraf Hakimi. And despite drumming up 70 million euros by downloading the Moroccan, President Steven Zhang may not be done there.
A winner for club and country / Nicolò Campo / Getty Images
Probably facing the difficult decision to either sell Romelu Lukaku and offer Martinez a new contract, or simply keep his best-selling Belgian and sell his low-paid Argentine, I Nerazzurri have joined the latter.
It is not possible to offer El Toro a new deal due to their financial predicament, and with their current agreement running until the summer of 2023, Inter know that as soon as this widow leaves, the value of their talismanic youth will only decline.
So, with all these strange variables falling into place, Arsenal have entered the chat. The Gunners are undergoing a summer revolution, trying to gut the troop with their deadweight and give a new, vibrant youth feeling to the Emirates.
The arrival of Nuno Tavares, Albert Sambi Lokonga and Ben White has already aroused Gooner’s whistle, but they are longing for more new blood. Leicester City star James Maddison is also on their radar, as Mikel Arteta aims to add some quality to the final third.
But each of these offerings pales in comparison to the Moby Dick signing of Martinez. The interstar is only 23 years old, and he has already arrived in Europe, beating Juventus from their decades-long perch and helping Argentina win its first Copa America since 1993.
No bad summary then.
His 37 goals in 100 Serie A matches speak of a young man with an incredible hunger for success, and his rapid climb from six, to 14 to 17 goals in his three seasons in Italy shows a clear upward trajectory in his abilities.
The Argentine’s noisy approach to attack, his clash with colleague Lukaku and his tireless work speed make him one of the most attractive prospects in Europe, but as it looks, no one can justify the expenditure.
Barcelona have been sniffing ever since Martinez hit Milan, and if they had been a fully functioning, competent football club, he would probably have left Serie A now. But Barça is as far from a fully functioning, competent football club as is humanly possible.
Blaugrana’s financial crisis is once again playing into the hands of the money-crazy Premier League, and Arsenal in particular. The Gunners are dreaming big, and they see Martinez as the perfect marker to confirm their intentions this season.
They are ready to be the Premier League’s striker. No more jokes about lack of ambition, no more ridicule for their strange obsession with signing aging Chelsea players, and no more dozing off in the midfield. Arsenal want to be challengers, and all signs of the summer are pointing in that direction.
However, ignore the comic defensive escapades during the preseason.
An Argentine Icon / MB Media / Getty Images
Questions on the field linger, but off the field, the Gunners finally get their ducks in a row. The troupe is starting to take shape with home-grown talents building long-term contracts, and young, exciting gems are putting faith in the project they are selling.
All that is missing is a statement that would shake the whole of Europe and say: “Arsenal are back.”
Martinez would be that signing, and his arrival could really change the fortunes of a dormant football institution.
Dream big, Gooners, and you just never know what might fall in your favor.
