As a Millionaire, I Don’t Expect My Partner Who Earns $60K to Share Bills Equally—It’s Simply Unjust

The nuanced dance of handling both romantic and financial aspects within a relationship is more than just a backdrop for most modern couples—it is a vivid painting laced with a complex mix of hues. Consider the tale of Tori Dunlap, the visionary behind Her First 100K, a financial education enterprise primarily designed to empower Gen Z and millennial women. This dynamic entrepreneur is also a multimillionaire, a New York Times best-selling author, and the voice behind a popular podcast.

Paired with her is a partner whose path diverges sharply. Armed with a graduate degree in athletics, he juggles multiple roles across athletics and education, weaving in extra earnings from side gigs like dog-sitting and private coaching. You might assume a tale emerges from this blend—a tale richer in contradictions, one might think, given their contrasting journeys.

“So, how do they navigate the complexities of love and currency?” you may wonder. The couple, who have steered their relationship for over two and a half years, graciously sat down with Business Insider, unraveling the tapestry of their shared fiscal life.

There’s something rather quaint about realizing they’ve known nearly all financial specifics about one another since almost the beginning. Just picture this: Tori knows about the status of his Roth IRA, while he is up-to-date with her brokerage account. Trust, evidently, permeates their fiscal interactions. As Tori Dunlap succinctly puts it, “I’m not about equality; I’m about equity,” when discussing financial matters with her partner, challenging traditional notions that relationships must be financially equal. Why share expenses equally when equity demands adjustments reflecting our earnings and circumstances?

The discussions of money started early, right at their first date. Dunlap says, “When the bill came, he expressed a classic internal conflict, asking, ‘I want to pay, but would it offend you?’” This small moment, wrapped in layers of social customs and personal values, foreshadowed an ongoing commitment to open dialogues about finances—a hallmark of their interaction.

Why does this matter, you may ponder? Dunlap’s account is akin to peering through a window into shared vulnerabilities and perceived societal expectations. Take the anecdotal recollection when the term ‘prenup’ was broached—an oft-feared word carrying significant weight. Yet, Dunlap spins the conversation around with pragmatic clarity, realizing that all marriages have their default “prenup” crafted by the state. “The financial partnership,” she remarks, “should be as open and negotiated as any business deal,” ensuring mutual understanding prevails over assumed constructs.

Stumbling over apprehensions related to financial inequity—such reflections resonate with her partner, who candidly admitted moments of insecurity from the same. “Her success could easily be intimidating.” Such disclosures mirror not only personal growth but the power of transparency as a couple wrestles with the tentacles of patriarchal dogmas—the myths that declare a man must always be an economic provider.

And so they proceed, continuing this commitment to fiscal transparency. Whether covering European adventures or dividing restaurant bills, their decisions rest upon mutual understanding rather than assumed roles. Dunlap covers the higher expenses in trips due to her higher earning capacity, drawing an illustrative boundary to her partner’s fiscal nerves. And while her partner might not have amassed similar financial achievements, his diligent contributions to his Roth IRA carry their weight, revealing an often-overlooked truth: Material wealth is aloof without the discipline of managing it wisely.

This revelation of financial philosophy arrives mutedly yet profoundly: their love story certainly does not hinge upon who pays for dinner or the distribution of travel expenses but rather on shared ventures beyond materialistic measures—the kind bound by emotional support. Indeed, when her partner managed to finance an extravagant birthday meal, it wasn’t a mere monetary gesture but a testament to his understanding of her worth—the very essence of relational equity over equality.

Interestingly, Dunlap states, “It’s not the money you make—it’s what you do with it.” These words form the cornerstone of their collective journey, marrying modern dynamics with age-old virtues. Is it enough to simply share financial details and navigate inequity-conscious relationships, or does the key rest in stripping back the layers to unveil our shared money narratives?

As the prelude to moving in together looms, coupled with one paying thrice the rent of another, they continually recalibrate these discussions to fit within the changing borders of their relationship. Their story beckons us to reconsider—what truly defines a partnership? Is it shared bank accounts or a shared understanding of financial landscapes?

In this ever-evolving reflection of love and finances, we bear witness to an unadorned narrative that reshapes the essence of commitment itself. Who we’d trust with our finances mirrors whom we let into our lives, defining ties not in monetary tally, but through the shared narratives we weave together.

Edited by Ali Musa
Axadle Times International – Monitoring