West Ham United star Jesse Lingard has admitted to losing his temper towards his mother’s depression, starting a vicious decline in form that almost cost him his career at the highest level.
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Lingard’s share fell regularly for both club and country in 2018 and fell after the 2019/20 season. The performances on the pitch started to deteriorate and eventually he was frozen out of the first line-up in Manchester United.
Lingard struggled to express himself on the pitch Richard Heathcote / Getty Images
In the first episode of the debut series Presenting, a new show created to rationalize fame and humanize celebrities, Lingard acknowledged that it took him a long time to realize that his decline in fitness was linked to his mental health.
“When you are young, you see your mother going through something like that, you do not understand it logically, you do not know what she is going through,” Lingard said of his past memories of his mother’s struggle. “She would say ‘I’m depressed, I’m depressed” but I as a child do not know what that means.
“You just go out, play outside, play football, do your things, but mom was in bed most of the time, curtains closed, she goes through it. This was when I was young, like 12.”
The situation took an obvious toll on Lingard, who admitted that he did not even realize the extent of his mental struggle until it was almost too late for his career.
“It feels like you’re not the same person, I feel like I was not Jesse Lingard. Even in football games, I felt like the game just passed me by, as if I just did not want to be there – it was crazy.
“I could see myself playing but watching the game back, I just think it’s not me, it’s not how I play. You go from the World Cup to some performances I’ve seen myself play and something needed to change.
“I went into games that were happy to sit on the bench and it’s not me. My mind was not there, I was not focused at all. I thought of other things and obviously lost everything to try to play football, you” when you is tense you are stressed and you can not do it.
“I opened up for United and told them what I was going through, what my mother went through and they are always there to help. I have had doctors who have helped which has been brilliant and during the lock I got my head together.”
Lingard is back in England Pool / Getty Images
It was not until England went into lockdown due to COVID-19 that Lingard realized the seriousness of his mental battle.
“Lockdown has somehow passed to me in a way. I look back at my old games and look at the World Cup matches back and the old games I used to play and I think, ‘Yeah, that’s the real Jesse Lingard.’ time I had gone a few seasons back or last season, it was just not me at all and you can see it.
“My brother who lives with me, he could see it and he has a video of me literally laying on the couch and I just stare for three minutes in the air and he just thinks, ‘What is he going through? He has the weight of the world on his shoulders.
“When I finally opened up and everyone understood that it was like, ‘Oh that’s why’, so now it’s just me who gets my head back together, football and helps my mom and I do not really have time for anything else really. “
Lingard is now in the form of his career Pool / Getty Images
Now he shines against West Ham, where he scored nine goals in his first ten games, and Lingard encouraged everyone struggling with mental health problems to open up and get help as soon as possible.
“I feel that in life you are going through difficulties, you are going through stages of lows and highs, but I feel that you have to get through the bottom, grind it out and you see the light at the end of the tunnel,” he continued.
“That’s why I opened up, I want to change people’s lives and inspire others to start opening up, because I’ve been through it and I know what it’s like to lose things, so if I can send the information to someone going through mental health issues, makes me smile. “
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