90 min Premier League 2022/23 prices so far

In an ideal world, the club season would have been paused at the halfway point. No, scratch that, in an ideal world the club season doesn’t pause at all as this World Cup takes place under traditional circumstances.

But anyway, here we are now.

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The 2022/23 Premier League season has been a pretty busy and surprising one so far – Arsenal will be top by Christmas, Newcastle are suddenly the best team in the world, Nottingham Forest haven’t imploded despite signing a new squad.

Here are our alternative season prices so far.

Disclaimer: As of this point, “Season” means “Season to Date”. It’s too much trouble to type two more words every time and it just looks clumsier.

Haaland is the runaway winner / Visionhaus/GettyImages

1st – Erling Haaland
2nd – Granit Xhaka
3rd – William Saliba
4th – Miguel Almiron
5th – Kevin De Bruyne

At this rate, Erling Haaland will score roughly 135 goals this season. Factor in that he doesn’t even make the World Cup and the total jumps to around 178. I won’t show how I work.

Another one / Robbie Jay Barratt – AMA/GettyImages

1st – Erling Haaland
2nd – William Saliba
3rd – Bukayo Saka
4th – Moises Caicedo
5th – Gabriel Martinelli

Can you be bored for a moment, Erling?

The freakish free-scoring Norwegian is eligible for the official PFA award within 20 days. Sorry, William Saliba.

“Footed images that go hard” / Mike Hewitt/GettyImages

1st – Alisson
2nd – Nick Pope
3rd – Jordan Pickford
4th – David Raya
5th – Kepa Arrizabalaga

Liverpool have often gotten away with their haphazard defending as they have an impressive goalkeeper between the sticks. Alisson has been busier than usual this season and if he performed better he would be tested for PEDs every day.

Just one Premier League goal this season / Matthew Ashton – AMA/GettyImages

1st – Cristiano Ronaldo
2nd – Cristiano Ronaldo
3rd – Cristiano Ronaldo
4th – Cristiano Ronaldo
5th – Cristiano Ronaldo

Have you considered doing your job, Cristiano?

Xhaka has been better than ever / Marc Atkins/GettyImages

1st – Granit Xhaka
2nd – Miguel Almiron
3rd – Leandro Trossard
4th – Diogo Dalot
5th – Kepa Arrizabalaga

Granit Xhaka’s redemption arc has been an astonishing watch, especially for me as someone who was present (and laughed) the day he went to war with Arsenal fans in 2019.

Again? / Visionhaus/GettyImages

1. Erling Haaland
2.Gabriel Jesus
3. Lisandro Martinez
4. Casemiro
5. Pervis Stupinan

Erling, can you stop basking in the spotlight for a second?

Arsenal are top of the table / Justin Setterfield/GettyImages

1st – Arsenal
2nd – Newcastle United
3rd – Fulham
4th – Brighton & Hove Albion
5th – Manchester United

Sorry Manchester City, but you just don’t have that juice anymore. Arsenal play in a similar fashion but are a far more compelling watch.

I also retract my apology. I’m not sorry at all. Football is not a simulation.

By you pop / Alex Pantling/GettyImages

1st – Cristiano Ronaldo
2nd – Cristiano Ronaldo
3rd – Cristiano Ronaldo
4th – Cristiano Ronaldo
5th – Cristiano Ronaldo

Have you considered getting out on the pitch when your manager asks, Cristiano?

Arteta is excellent / Visionhaus/GettyImages

1st – Mikel Arteta
2nd – Eddie Howe
3rd – Marco Silva
4th – Gary O’Neil
5th – Thomas Frank

Well, it may have taken three seasons, but Mikel Arteta is proving exactly why Arsenal have been so keen to stick with him.

1st – Ivan Toney vs Leeds United
2nd – Miguel Almiron vs Fulham
3rd – Miguel Almiron vs Southampton
4th – Allan Saint-Maximin vs Wolves
5th – Youri Tielemans vs Everton

The free-kick was aesthetically pleasing, but of course I’m talking about Toney’s rounding of Illan Meslier and subsequent chip over the retreating Leeds defenders here. Phwoarrrrr.

post for reasons that will become apparent later pic.twitter.com/FW9EGxOceg

— Sean Walsh (@SeanDZWalsh) November 16, 2022

1st – Antonio Conte and Thomas Tuchel’s handshake
2nd – Aston Villa fans sing the Demba Ba song at Steven Gerrard
3rd – Manchester United are linked with Marko Arnautovic and Adrien Rabiot after a poor start
4th – Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang’s BT Sport advert
5th – Joachim Andersen grazes Darwin Nunez to a red card

I’m incredibly biased, but the laughter that erupted in a packed Brighton pub (largely from myself) was as loud and canned as when Del Boy fell through the wine bar. It’s also very hard to find footage of Villa fans singing that song.

Stick it in the trophy cabinet / Visionhaus/GettyImages

1st – Cristiano Ronaldo vs Manchester United

There is no top five for this award because a) nothing comes close to Ronaldo going toe-to-toe with his own football club and b) the “Ronaldo ranks five times out of five” joke would lose all meaning if I did it again.

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